Dinosaurs

Sep 27th, 2008 Posted in Off-Topic | no comment »

I’ve been lucky enough to visit both the Museum of Natural History in New York this summer and then the Smithsonian in Washington, DC yesterday. My son is four and a half and recently discovered the joy of dinosaurs.

It is nothing short of spectacular to walk into those vast halls and seeing these enormous, real skeletons of the most fascinating creatures ever to walk on this planet (I sound like a BBC documentary, only less eloquent).

However, there’s one question that inevitably comes to mind as I’m taking in the incredible exhibits and looking at the proof right in front of me:

How can intelligent people think that this world started 5-6000 years ago?

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Lawns

Sep 25th, 2008 Posted in Off-Topic | no comment »

Lawns are stupid. I don’t like them. They’re sometimes green and often brown and they need to be cut (usually on the warmest day of they year) and the last time I cut mine, which was about three months ago, I very nearly killed three frogs and a freshly hatched baby turtle!Now, I’m an animal rights person, so clearly lawn maintenance doesn’t sit well with my beliefs that we should be kind to our fellow animal creatures. I might as well take up polar bear hunting.Recently, I was at a kid’s birthday party where they played soccer on Astro Turf. That was nice and manageable and it had very few hidden frogs (mainly because it was indoor). I might get me some of that for the yard. Do they come in bright yellow? Yellow grass… That might annoy the HOAs, too, which would be an appealing added bonus.

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Colonial Confusion

Sep 21st, 2008 Posted in Off-Topic | no comment »

You know, it’s not always easy to live in, or near, Colonial Williamsburg, as I do. You’re essentially mingling with people who lived hundreds of years ago.

It’s perturbing, really. You’ll go to Wal-Mart (I’m saying you will, because I wouldn’t set foot there in a million years myself) and there you’ll see a poor peasant picking up a brand new Samsung big-screen TV.

I essentially live in a town that has two alternate dimensions occupying the same space and time simultaneously. It messes with your head!

Recently, I was stopped at a red light and traffic was moving through the intersection in front of me. Amongst SUVs and semis I noticed a little, corpulent colonial fellow zooming through traffic looking like he was on a mission to deliver a message of utmost importance to Thomas Jefferson himself — riding on a moped.

There’s something jarringly wrong with that picture, I tell you.

Having lived here for two years, I’ll never be able to watch a movie like The Patriot again; There’s Mel Gibson, the strong, fearless soldier charging through enemy lines, bodies falling on all sides as he crashes into combat on a Vespa .

It just won’t work!

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Ads

Sep 18th, 2008 Posted in Off-Topic | no comment »

I realize there’s an ad for Pizza Hut over there on the left side of the page. I don’t know why, and maybe it went away for you. But I just wanted to make sure that everyone knows that I don’t approve of that company and I find their products to be greasy pieces of junk and a sorry excuse for nourishment. So there.

I’m just out to make a buck with advertising — or 4 cents more like it. If you click on those ads a few times for me, soon I’ll have enough money to buy one of their slices and then I’ll throw it on the floor and step on it repeatedly to make a point.

Then I’ll have to buy new shoes, so you’ll have to keep clicking on the ads so I’ll have enough for that.

Oh, nevermind.

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Grocery Shopping

Sep 17th, 2008 Posted in Off-Topic | no comment »

When you go to the grocery store, there’s one question that you’ll most certainly be asked: “Did you find everything you were looking for today, sir”? (Or “madam” if you’re one of those people).

The answer they’re looking for is, of course, a short and concise “yes”. It is not a trick question. This even goes if you’re shopping at a place like “Howard’s House of Milk and Cheese” and they happened not to stock milk nor cheese that day.

However, I don’t answer “yes”. I answer something like: “No, actually, you used to carry these orangutan-flavored popped chips from Botswana awhile back, but I just can’t seem to find them in the aisle where they used to be located”.

If you’re in a normal grocery store, the response will be the rolling of the eyes, the incoherent mumbling, followed by getting you out of there in a timely manner (this is according to their perception of time, which is different from yours). You might also have the honor of being mentioned in the back during lunch break in conversations featuring huffs and puffs and “can-you-believe-some-people” tirades!

If you’re in a good grocery store, however, that check-out clerk will be on the next plane to Botswana to make sure this matter is looked into thoroughly. And they will report back to you (albeit at a later time, I suppose, what with the time difference and all). They’ll have a long-winded explanation in which the words “orangutan” and “endangered” will crop up in the same sentence. At least they’re doing what they can and they might even look into getting the orangutans off that whatchamacallit list. Just for you.

That’s the kind of grocery store I need - that level of service. I need it. Sure, the prices are ridiculously high in places like that. After all, they do somehow need to finance those excursions to the African continent.

But it’s so worth it! Trust me.

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The Commonwealth of TV Obsession

Nov 27th, 2007 Posted in Off-Topic | 2 comments »

When we moved from California to Virgina last year, we particularly noticed two things that were different. 1) Nobody, and I mean nobody, in Virginia knows how to merge onto the freeway, or whatever they call them here, and 2) they have to watch TV all the time, everywhere.

They can’t live without it, apparently. We go to the local Rec Center and it’s blasting in the lobby on a gi-normous screen. You can’t sit down and relax without hearing Greta Van Susteren’s ear-shattering voice. You go upstairs to work out and there’s 7 (that’s seven) TVs in a row in front of your stationary bike.

You might decide to go to the post office to mail a letter and they’re blasting CNN. Head on over to the bank and there you have to watch (or at least listen to) Fox News again, while doing that balance transfer.

That’s why (and I’m going to sound like a commercial here) I love Tivo. It tapes stuff by itself, and then you sit down and watch it when you feel like it. Personally, I prefer to choose for myself when I want to watch TV and what exactly I want to watch.

But perhaps that’s just me…

I really, really don’t want to watch Lou Dobbs at the DMV! (Or anywhere else, for that matter. Yeesh!)

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Racing the Cheetah

Nov 20th, 2007 Posted in Movies, Off-Topic | no comment »

This is really off-topic around here, but I just couldn’t help myself. Check out this Youtube video that I came across while searching for cheetahs to show my son!

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Color Blindness Software

Oct 13th, 2007 Posted in Off-Topic | no comment »

Here are two pieces of software that sound interesting. Color Oracleand Sim Daltonism supposedly let you see the computer screen the way a color blind person sees it. Now, I haven’t tried them out myself. This is because I’m red/green color blind myself, so there’s not much point…

But I’d be interested to know what others think!

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Ebay Sale of Belgium halted

Sep 19th, 2007 Posted in Off-Topic | no comment »

belgium ebay sale action ended euros attempt belgium ebay sale action ended euros attempt
Someone attempted to sell Belgium! The starting bid was at 1 Euro, but the auction was halted by Ebay after 26 bids, when the price had reached 10 million Euros. What a bargain that would have been!

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Talk Like a Pirate Day!

Sep 19th, 2007 Posted in Off-Topic | no comment »

In celebration of today’s International Talk Like a Pirate Day, it might be a good idea to get a Corsair Ergonomic Keyboard for Pirates… RRRRRRRRR!

Update: How to talk like a pirate.

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